When I was sick, I was left for dead and thrown under the bus.
When I wanted to reason, I was spat on and pushed away.
When I wanted the truth, I was lied to and deceived.
When I wanted to talk, I got silence and rejection.
When I wanted peace, I was prosecuted and judged.
I remember someone once mention the adage, "There are always three sides to every story; two contending sides and the truth." I was denied the chance to air my side by the very same person who said that. I guess the truth isn't worth the time. After hearing all of that, I guess only one side matters after all: the one that is most convenient.
I also once heard someone tell me that money is simply a material thing, that it isn't what's really important. In the end, it all comes down to pesos and cents after all. The fact is staring me right in the face, from the same person who kept preaching that to me.
But the truth did set me free. It definitely hurts, but I have faith that the ultimate truth will come to light, because you simply can't keep a lie forever. I've been hit by immorality and illegality, and I will not take it lying down anymore. I want justice. In the strongest way possible.
Today, I looked at a mirror--I mean, seriously stared at myself for the first time in months--and I honestly couldn't recognize myself anymore. My affliction has taken so much from me. It's something that I didn't ask for, but while I was figuratively struggling, they kicked me down, kept me down, and shoveled more dirt on top of me to beat me to submission.
They took the best of me, threw it down, spat on it, stepped on it, and kicked it away. Then, they had strangers come in to literally crap on it.
"The rain falls on the just and the wicked alike", so the saying goes. I never pretended to be either, but it seems the rain has been falling too hard and too long on me.
How much weight have I lost? 20? 30 pounds? I feel so physically weak that I can't even go down a flight of stairs without my knees shaking and rattling. I can feel the bones on my shoulders pushing out from under my skin, and my hands are still shaking so much that I can't even hold a pen steady enough to write anything that could be considered remotely legible.
The laws of the land really shouldn't be maliciously manipulated to serve such selfish and immoral ends. I expect that at the end of the journey, I'll get the chance to tell my story. A chance to tell my side of the truth. Maybe it can set some people free; even the ones who don't want it.
From the Book of Habakkuk:
The divine revelation that the prophet Habakkuk saw:
"How long, O LORD, am I to cry for help, but you will not listen? I cry out to you, "There's violence!" yet you will not come to the rescue.
Why do you make me see wrongdoing? And why do you watch wickedness? Destruction and violence are in front of me. Quarrels and disputes arise.
That is why your teaching is numbed, and justice is never carried out. Wicked people surround righteous people so that when justice is carried out, it's perverted."
Then the LORD answered:
"Write the vision. Make it clear on tablets so that anyone can read it quickly.
The vision will still happen at the appointed time. It hurries toward its goal. It won't be a lie. If it's delayed, wait for it. It will certainly happen. It won't be late.
"Look at the proud person. He is not right in himself. But the righteous person will live because of his faithfulness.
Also because wine is treacherous he is arrogant and never rests. He has a large appetite like the grave. He is like death-never satisfied. He gathers all the nations to himself. He collects all the people to himself."
Whoever reads this, please pray for me. Simply pray for justice and healing. That's all I ask. I'm sure He'll hear you. For those who have been constantly praying and offering support, you have my thanks. Your prayers are working.
- waking up from a dream: strength from a vision
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mcspazzerton- December 2nd, 2008
